Yesterday I was watching the news and reading comments on Twitter, and was totally horrified to discover that yummy mummy, Denise Van Outen was getting stick for giving up breastfeeding!

 I hate Bees!

I've always hated them (and wasps and all other creepy crawlies,) but I never passed on that fear to my charges when working as a professional nanny in London. 

It's a rule I've always stuck to; 'Don't pass on your fears to children.'

I think I broke that rule last Monday when I screamed at my nine month old daughter when she picked up a bumble bee and put it in her mouth while having a wonderful time in her paddling pool.

You know how people say accidents seem to happen in slow motion? They really do! I leapt towards her, put my finger in her mouth and scooped the bee out from the back of her throat.

Too late. 

It had already stung and she was screaming- partly through pain, partly because mummy was screaming.

My training as a nursery nurse all flew out of my head and all I was thinking was 'She's not going to be able to breathe in a minute if she's been stung in the throat.'

I picked her up, ran into the house (greeted by hubby who had twisted his ankle in a race to get to us after hearing the screams) and then I fell over with her, (wet feet on tiled floor) hurting my leg, and my back, but thankfully not her. I'll mention here that I'm 6 months pregnant so you can imagine poor hubby's reaction at this point.

Hysterical pregnant wife, just fell over in the kitchen with hysterical baby.

After rambling through hysterical noises what had happened, I screamed instructions 'towel!' (she was soaked) 'nappy' (I was planning on going straight to A&E) 'Phone (I was calling 999 as she had been stung in the mouth and it was swelling quickly.)

'Stay where you are' said the wonderful, calm man on the phone, 'we have an ambulance on it's way, it'll be there very shortly.'

I popped a very upset and swelling quickly Betsy on the floor on her back tilting her head back (which of course she hated- she just wanted cuddles) so that I could keep her airway open. 

I stayed on the phone to the man (I wish I knew his name) and tried my best to stop sobbing- telling Betsy she was going to be fine, it would all be O.K. 

Besty looked so frightened and in pain, and I felt so useless. Hubby went outside to greet the paramedics who were amazing and came within 5 minutes.

Betsy at this point was sobbing and her mouth and tongue were enormous. I kept thinking, 'she's going to stop breathing' and was trying to keep calm, which was almost impossible in the circumstances!

The paramedics checked her over, they were so good with her. So gentle and kind and unthreatening to a teeny girl lying on the floor. Luckily the reaction was mild- it was just bad as it was in her mouth. However, after the checks they said she would need to go to hospital, (but she was going to be fine.)

We went by ambulance while hubby, (who had packed a bag ready- what a gem,) followed in the car.

On the way they monitored her and only then did I realise I was hurt too! Nothing major, just bruising all up my legs and back and some scrapes, but the paramedic checked me over too.

Betsy was crying, she was in shock and pain, but the paramedics were fantastic, making her glove balloons and pulling faces. She tried her best to smile but her lip and tongue were so swollen she just couldn't.

We arrived at A&E greeted by wonderful doctors and nurses who were simply amazing. We are so lucky to have a wonderful NHS service, and Stafford hospital, despite it's recent awful scandals, was top class.

The staff on both A&E and Paediatrics were simply amazing. Betsy actually began to enjoy herself once the swelling started to go down. She loved the attention and the monitors making their bleep noises.

We were finally discharged after a few hours observation and the swelling had gone down, and returned home where she went to bed (under my eagle eye watching,) and I broke down.

I couldn't stop crying (the pregnancy hormones didn't help matters) and I kept thinking we could have lost her. I know you shouldn't think like that, but it could have been so much worse.

I'm happy to say Betsy has made a full recovery. She's still a little sore in the mouth, and bruised, but she's not looking like a monster now and is babbling away again and eating.

We've braved the garden again, but I must say it's made me incredibly nervous now, and I'm super jumpy when the bumble bees fly close by.

There is a widespread belief that antenatal and postnatal depression is only experienced by women. 

However, research and anecdotal evidence suggests that this is not the case. 

It is believed one in 14 men will experience depression during the antenatal and postnatal period, 

with some evidence suggesting that the figure could be as high as one in three. 

A dad whose partner is suffering from PND is at increased risk of developing depression in the 

postnatal period.

Megan Early-Gray, a trainee Clinical Psycologist is undertaking this research for her Clinical 

Psychology doctoral thesis based at the University of Surrey. 

This study has received a favourable ethical opinion from the University of Surrey’s Faculty of 

Arts and Human Sciences Ethics Committee.

In her qualitative study she'll ask men what their experiences are of struggling after having a child, 

how they coped, and how they sought help.

Megan isn't specifically looking for men who have a diagnosis of any mental health problem, 

although of course they are included, but wants men who aren't being seen, or haven't been 

noticed by services (which she has noticed is a big problem.)

• Have you felt stressed, low or like you are struggling to cope since becoming a father?

• Or do you remember feeling this way, but now feel better?

• Do you have a child or baby under 3?

You may be able to help with this interesting research!

Megan is interviewing men who have struggled to cope with some aspect of their lives after having 

a child. The one-off interview will last between 45 – 90 minutes and will be conducted in a private 

setting to ensure confidentiality.

Don’t worry if you don’t know what to talk about – your interview will be guided by questions.

If you think you can help, or know of anyone else who may be interested, (your expenses will 

be repaid,) please contact :

Megan Earl-Gray

Tel: 07577 845361

Email: researching.fathers@gmail.com

Breast or bottle is an on-going topic and has been for decades, with everyone having an opinion on what they think is right, what do you do for the best?

Before your baby is born, you'll have probably debate over and over in your head what you want to do and you'll no doubt have pressure from both sides of the feeding fence to help you reach a decision!

As a qualified Nanny with a degree and two diplomas in Nursery Nursing, I was adamant that breast was best, and I would be solely breastfeeding for at lease four months.

Three infections, very painful (youch-oh-my-goodness) nipples and two bouts of double mastitis later, I gave up playing super mum and put my daughter onto formula.

Now many 'experts' will say that my daughter was latched on wrong, that I was'nt feeding properly, but as a professional nursery nurse who has taught others to breastfeed, I assure you I was doing everything correctly, it was just bad luck.

In 2005 I had a breast lumpectomy. The midwife and health visitor both reassured me that with all my best efforts, this was probably the cause of the constant pain and blockages, and supported my decision to go to bottle.

The day I went to bottle I felt like a dark cloud had lifted! From that moment on, my daughter thrived on formula, was in a four routine by two weeks, sleeping through the night at five weeks, and we were all very happy. She jumped from a tiny baby at the bottom of the growth charts, to a thriving, healthy baby at the top within three months much to the amazement of the health visitor who wanted to know my secret!

My secret, is that I was happy, Betsy was happy and she was in a routine, eating and sleeping well, and this, together with lots of bonding, hubby taking over some of the feeds and fresh lots of fresh air we ensured that we were both healthy.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not down on breastfeeding! I'm jealous of women that manage to do it for those first essential months. I am however, down on the pressure new mothers face when they decide to bottle feed.

? Most new mothers feel they should breastfeed, even when they don't really want to and often get pressurised to do so by midwives, health visitors and other mums! When I first told changed to bottle, I would get questions from random strangers about my choice, sadly I have to say, from other pushy mothers! You may have experienced this yourself; experienced mothers will have their preferences and many will offer you their unsolicited advice!

While experts agree that breast milk is the ideal food for infants, many mothers cannot, or would prefer not to nurse, and often suffer for their decision not to, but why should they? It's all about choice! 

Commercially prepared baby formulas offer a high quality alternative to breastfeeding and are formulated to contain all the necessary ingredients to support a growing baby's healthy development. 

So, if you do decide not to breastfeed, it is important to remember that you are choosing what works best for you and your baby and not to feel guilty about that choice. If you do decide to feed your baby with a commercially prepared formula, be assured that your baby's nutritional needs will be met and you'll still bond with your baby just fine. 

The decision to breastfeed or formula feed your baby is a very personal one. But here are some points you may want to consider as you decide which is best for you and your new addition.

The good, the bad and the ugly of breastfeeding!

The good:

There are lots of benefits to breastfeeding, not only is breast milk nutritionally superior to baby formula, but it has been suggested that breast fed babies often experience less gassiness and spitting up than bottle fed babies, although this always the case.

Breast milk provides babies with valuable antibodies not present in commercially prepared formula. 

Breast-fed babies are less prone to respiratory and ear infections, asthma, allergies and diabetes than those who are bottle fed.

In addition to the health benefits for baby, mothers who breastfeed can benefit too. Breastfeeding burns calories and helps to shrink the uterus too, meaning that getting back into those pre-pregnancy clothes might be a little easier.

Additionally, studies show that mothers who breastfed their babies have a lower incidence of premenopausal breast cancer than their bottle feeding peers and there is some evidence suggesting that breastfeeding may reduce a woman's chances of getting ovarian and uterine cancer.

Unlike bottle feeding, breastfeeding means you are always ready to feed your baby and you do not have to strerilise and make up bottles. 

From a financial point of view, breastfeeding is certainly more affordable than bottle feeding! Some formula now costs up to £9 a box!

The bad:

Although it is the best nutritional source for babies, breastfeeding does come with some concerns that many new mothers share. Whereas it's easy from the start for some, it can be really challenging, frustrating and stressful for others.

Sometimes, both mother and baby need plenty of patience and persistence to get used to the routine of breastfeeding and this can come at a price when mum is overtired and baby is very hungry.

Initially, as with any new skill, many moms feel uncomfortable with breastfeeding, but with adequate education, support, and practice, most mothers overcome this. 

The bottom line is that breastfeeding shouldn't hurt, but it often does due to poor latching which can cause inflamation and soreness that can lead to mastitis.

Latch on pain is normal for the first week to 10 days, and should last less than a minute with each feeding. Many times, it's just a matter of using the proper technique, but sometimes pain can mean that something else is going on, like an infection. 

There's no question that breastfeeding does require a substantial time commitment from mothers, but then parenting is time consuming and we should love it not resent it!

Feeding in public is still difficult. Many women are embarrassed to do so (they should'nt be) but nonetheless they are and feeding rooms are few and far between.

The ugly:

*Sore or worse still, cracked nipples

*Painful engorged breasts

*Infections

*Mastitis

*After breastfeeding your lovely pert breasts are never the same!

The good, the bad, and the ugly of bottle feeding!

Not all mothers are able to breastfeed and bottle feeding is their only choice. Women who are HIV positive or have AIDS, as well as mothers who are undergoing chemotherapy treatments are not good candidates for breastfeeding. 

Some medications, both prescription and over-the-counter, make breastfeeding inadvisable. 

Some women simply choose not to breast feed for personal reasons and for them and their babies formula provides a balanced, nutrient rich diet for their baby's first year of life.

Bottle feeding can be easier than breastfeeding in several ways. Bottle fed babies can be fed by the father or other caregiver without the need to pump milk, which, in the middle of the night, can be a big advantage! 

Also, formula digests more slowly than breast milk, so bottle fed babies typically remain satisfied for longer stretches of time than breastfed babies. This can be particularly beneficial in families with several children to care for, especially those with multiples.

Breastfeeding mothers have to be careful about their diets since many foods and beverages will affect the quality of their milk. Spicy food, some vegetables, alcohol and chocolate (oh no!) can make the mother's milk hard for her baby to digest, so formula feeding mums do not have to concern themselves with how their diet will impact their baby's meals! They are free to eat whatever they choose.

Today's high quality formulations provide growing babies with all of the necessary nutrients in balanced, pediatrician recommended ratios. 

Sterilising units, bottles and accessories are now widely available and easy to use, so making up bottles isn't as fussy as it used to be.

most cafes and restaurants can warm bottles for you now or provide hot water for you to warm your baby's feed. There are also lots of bottle holders that keep milk fresh while out and about, or dispensers that you can take with you.

The bad:

Unlike breastmilk, formula can be expensive, most boxes now cost up to £9 of which you'll around need two a week!

Some babies taking formula can have more problems with gas and constipation and have firmer bowel movements than breastfed babies as it's a thicker solution than breast-milk.

Breast milk contains antibodies, which protect the baby from viral and bacterial infections such as respiratory problems and meningitis. Antibodies are not found in formula making the baby more susceptible to illness.

Formula  needs to be mixed with the proper quantity of water each time and bottles and nipples need to be sterilised, this is a lot more time consuming than breastfeeding. There are ready-to-feed formulas available, but they tend to be expensive.

The ugly:

*If the bottles or nipples are not properly cleaned and sterilised there is a risk of transmitting bacterial infection which can lead to serious illness in young babies.

*It's expensive! you'll need at least five bottles, teats, tops, bottle brushes and a steriliser.

*The guilt factor! No matter how much it's your choice, there will always be pressure from the media, the experts and worst of all, other mothers to make you feel guilty about your choice. however, remember it is your choice  an only you know what's right for you and your baby.

What our CCIF readers think!

Emma, mum to two. One bottle-fed, one breast-fed.

I respect women for the choices they make in parenting their children, as long as the kids are safe. Bringing up small children is such hard work that we need to support and value our different styles and support one another in doing what feels right for our kids but also what helps us feel happy as parents too. 

I had postnatal depression after my first son was born and I couldn't breastfeed. I had milk, but psychologically could not bear the idea of it. I didn't even try. Now I feel sad about that because I think I missed out. But I was ill, and the pressure and guilt around not breastfeeding made me iller and iller. 

I think if someone wants to breastfeed their child till they are 7 that is fine for them and would not judge. Likewise if someone wants to or has to formula feed I respect that. Don't judge what you don't understand. There is no real evidence that formula feeding is bad for babies. Not as natural granted, but it gives dads a great opportunity to feed and bond with babies. 

I breastfed my second till he was 2 and loved it. But my bond with both kids is equally good, both are just as healthy and well adjusted and the important thing was that I was happy with my decision. 

Jo, Mum to One- Bottlefed

My choice to bottle feed was objected to from the word go from my midwife and then my health visitor.

I didn't want to breastfeed, not that I don't think others should, just that it wasn't for me.

My son was in a fantastic routine from birth, he thrived (and is still a thriving two year old) yet I was constantly bobmarded with 'oh you should breastfeed' and 'breast is best!'

The way I see it is you should do what makes you happy and everyone else should mind their own business. 

If baby is happy and thriving, then where is the problem?

                                                 ********************************************

                                                         

When you're pregnant you're bombarded with advice and ideas from others that you hardly have time to make your own decisions, when you're a new mum its like your boobs become public property and are up for debate! It makes you want to shout 'hands off my boobs!'

Mothers who happily breastfeed often feel the need to share their positive experience and can't understand why others don't follow in their footsteps. 

So if your'e a mum to be or new mum reading this, remember it's all about choice. Like anything in life you make your own choices, how to have your hair, what clothes to wear and what food to eat. As long as you're healthy and happy and your baby is healthy and happy then how you choose to feed them is entirely your choice and nobody else's concern!

And if your'e an experienced 'I know what's best' mum or professional reading this, then yes, of course it's nice to give advice, to help the new mother, to share our experiences, but forcing your opinion to breastfeed or bottle feed on a new mum or pregnant woman who just might not want to, or cannot breastfeed isn't helpful or right.

So let's all live and let live! 

I am an organised person who likes to plan everything in my life, from the small day to day things to the bigger more important things including what age gap I wanted between my children.

I decided that I wanted 3 years between my children so that when my second was born my eldest son would be settled at preschool and I would have an opportunity to have some one to one time with the new baby.

With all this in mind when Jake was around 2 years old we started trying for a baby. I was very lucky and fell pregnant quickly.

I went for my 12 week scan just before Christmas 2006, the sonographer pointed out the healthy heartbeat and in the same breath, with no build up, she pointed out the second healthy heartbeat. 

At this stage I think I went into shock, twins were not in my long term plan! After leaving the hospital I was on a verge of hysterical laughter one moment and crying the next! 

Over the next few days I was very up and down, suddenly there was so much to think about. Firstly we were going to go from a family of 3 to 5, our house was not big enough, our car was not big enough, we would have to double up on everything, how would Jake feel going from being an only child for 3 years to having 2 siblings. 

Then there was the worrying about the pregnancy, would both the babies be ok, would they be born early, would it be a difficult pregnancy?

These worries carried on throughout the pregnancy and I was very up and down, we had to have building work done at home to make more room, we had to sell our car and buy a bigger one, I was very sick and felt very tired. Having a 2 year old to look after I didn’t get much time to rest!

At our 20 week scan we found out I was having a girl and boy, it now felt very real and for the first time I started to feel excited and looking forward to meeting my babies. 

At 30 weeks I packed my hospital bag as I was told that the twins could come early, especially as both babies were the size of a singleton baby. 

I was booked in for a c-section at 37 weeks, this was because I had an emergency one with Jake so had been advised this would be for the best and I was quite happy with this, having had a 26hr labour the first time followed by a caesarean!

I honestly thought I wouldn’t get to 37 weeks though as I was getting bigger and bigger and eventually had to have a prescription cream for my tummy as the skin was so sore as it stretched so much and I could hardly walk! 

By 35 weeks I was very fed up. The date for my C-section arrived with no sign of the babies getting ready to make an appearance.

   Billy and Grace were born on the 12^th June 1 minute apart, Billy weighed 8lbs 1 and Grace 6lbs 14!

Good healthy weights for a single baby - enormous for twins! I stayed in hospital for 2 nights and I was on such a high for the following couple of weeks.  My babies were amazing and having two of them was so special, however once real life kicked in there were times when I felt very low. 

Having 2 is very special but it means double everything. I would get one baby asleep and the other would wake up. I wanted to breastfeed as I had done with Jake but I seemed to be feeding all the time. I was also worried about not having enough time with Jake. The problems all seemed to mount up. 

Due to being a qualified nursery nurse and experienced nanny I wanted to prove to everybody that I could cope and didn’t want to ask for help from anyone, looking back maybe if I had I would of enjoyed the first few months more.

The health visitor – who was and still is brilliant – came to visit when they were a few weeks old and I told her that I felt that I couldn’t go on feeding them myself. She said to do what I felt was best for me and the whole family, not just the twins. 

At that point I decided to stop breastfeeding and start them on formula. They took the formula well but now there were new problems as they had a dairy intolerance. My health visitor prescribed them a prescription formula. Within days they were feeling a lot better, after their reaction to cow’s milk, and I was able to get them in a 4 hour routine, which made life a lot easier.

Over the first few months I had a lot of down days, but as they got older the good days started to outweigh the bad, then the bad days got less and less and now we don’t have any bad days, a few difficult ones maybe but nothing like in the beginning.

When the twins were young I did feel resentful at times, I didn’t want to be without either of them but I often wished they had been born at separate times.  It was difficult to go to my NCT coffee group in the beginning as I felt that my experiences were quite different to the others and I felt that I didn’t really belong. Now I regularly attend and have made some good friends. 

I love being a mother to twins now, it is very special, seeing the two of them together and hearing them chat to each other can be magical.

It just goes to show you cant always plan things in life and I am glad, because if we could I wouldn’t have planned for this and I would of missed out on this wonderful experience!

                                                                                      Grace, Jake & Billy in their Easter hats!

Twin links

Twins & multiple birth organisation

http://www.tamba.org.uk/Page.aspx?pid=195

Twins online

http://www.twinsonline.org.uk/

Coping with newborn twins

http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/coping_with_newborn_twins.htm

Our wonderful guest blogger Emma, is a qualified Nursery nurse and previous nanny who has recently set up her own childminding buisness in Olney, Milton Keynes. 

If you're looking for a fab, friendly, OFSTED inspected childminder, you can contact Emma elschildminding@googlemail.com

 Natasha Harvey, the mother of a terminally ill baby from Stafford is fighting to raise  awareness of Rhabdoid cancer.

This terribly sad story today on BBC's  'Midlands today' made us want to write about this brave family's plight to help raise awareness of this rare cancer that affects only 2 to 3 children in the UK every year.

Brave Marcus is only 13 months old and has a rare form of tumour that has no known treatment meaning that Marcus may only have a few weeks to live.

The cancerous tumour started in Marcus' kidney but devastatingly spread to his brain.

Marcus was being cared for by Birmingham Children's Hospital but has now returned home as nothing more can be done. Tragically, traditional cancer treatments such as chemotherapy and radiotherapy have no affect on this aggressive form of cancer. 

Marcus's mother, Natasha, (pictured above with Marcus) was training to become a nurse and had secured a place at university.

In an interview with 'Midlands today' Natasha said she hoped that 'part of Marcus would enable her to continue and carry on with her nursing.

                            ' I've watched people pass away; I've been there at the end, it just                                                            shouldn't be my son I'm doing it for.'

Natasha's plight to raise awareness of this rare form of cancer has roused sympathy in her local community.

'The Right Stuff Boxing Club' in Stafford is helping to raise money to help with the forthcoming funeral costs and to set up a trust fund to help families of children with infant cancer.

Anyone interested in supporting this cause should email the club therightstuffboxingclub@hotmail.com for details.

If you are a parent of  a child with cancer and need support, you there is help available to you.

Below is a list of support groups and organisations that may be able to help.

Macmillan Support http://www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/TalkToUs/Talktous.aspx

Marie Curie Cancer Care http://www.mariecurie.org.uk/whatwedo/patient-carer-information/support-groups-information-links/Support+groups+and+emotional+support.htm

CLIC Sargent http://clicsargent.jamkit.com/Publicationsresources/Usefulorganisations/Forparents

*More information on Rhabdoid cancer can be found at The Children's Brain Tumour Research Foundation http://www.cbtrf.org/docs/tumors/rhabdoid/CBTRF-FAQ-Rhabdoid.pdf

For most of my life I have been a stickler for rules. Rules were followed and breaking the rules or taking big risks was something I avoided wherever possible.  

I worked hard, achieved well academically and went off to University at Nottingham. 

Another three years of hard work and I find myself in Beijing in the summer of 2007 on a scholarship programme to study Mandarin.

I was twenty three, and after the summer, was set for the pressure and showdown of being a fourth year student. So you can imagine my disbelief at a sudden realisation that I may be pregnant!

Off I cycled to the supermarket, through the city smog on a warm and humid day on my bicycle. 

And the test? Positive.  

For another three weeks I had to sit it out in China. When I boarded my plane home, I knew that my life would never be the same again.  

When I arrived back in England life was difficult. I wasn’t entirely convinced with any great conviction that I was doing the right thing. The father, who I had had an on/off relationship with for four years previously (and it was more on than off), did not want a baby.  

The baby would be due right in the middle of my dissertation, I had no money, nowhere to live, no idea how I would manage or how things would pan out.  The next eight months I threw myself into work – teaching full time, studying, and doing as much part time work as I could to try and have some kind of money for when the baby arrived. I knew that if I didn’t get on with it, the last three years of my life would have been a waste. 

Ava Grace was born on 15^th April 2008.  

It’s funny how you can pin point a moment in your life of such dramatic change, and difficult to explain the sense of responsibility and love you have for someone in a short space in time. 

For two weeks (which seems ridiculous now) I did nothing but sleep, feed, and organise a little bundle.  I look back on a time of sleep depravation and endless visitors. 

Then as life started to calm down a little, I went back to writing my dissertation in-between feeding and sleeps. By the end of May, the work was handed in and I could focus on looking after Ava. 

Life became a cycle of breastfeeding and toddler groups, which stopped me from being a hermit and allowed a transition into a more ‘normal’ world of people with children who can understand your concerns.    

In July, I graduated from university with a 2.1 in Primary Education – with no extra time and no special considerations.  

Ava grew and changed every day and it was often difficult juggling things on my own, but you don’t have time to dwell on things with endless cycles of washing, cleaning, cooking and nappy changing! 

At ten months, I embarked on sleep training. Two nights of crying and stopping night feeding allowed me to regain a full night’s sleep and feel much more energetic. 

Weaning was a constant battle with the health visitor because until around 12 months Ava was more interested in milk and as she was very active she didn’t gain much weight.  It’s funny, because even though she now eats me out of house and home, she is still very small. 

Ava’s father had a sporadic relationship with her initially. I found it difficult to tolerate having him around because he seemed interested in things being amicable between us but would not begin to tolerate or accept Ava. Eventually, this started to change. 

At eighteen months Ava started having contact with his parents on a weekly basis. Now, we are at a point of him having more consistent contacts because it is unfair on Ava to understand or accept him to be floating in and out when it is convenient for him. 

Although it isn’t always easy and there are occasional disagreements, I believe that it is important for Ava to maintain a positive relationship with her father as much as this is possible.  And if Ava grows up and decides she doesn’t want contacts, then that is her choice. At least I can hold up my hand and say that I tried my best, but it didn’t work out.

At around this time, I made a conscience decision not to go back into work at the moment. With the world in recession, jobs were an hours commute, full time, and in areas I didn’t really want to be working. 

We manage on a tight budget, but I don’t want to look back and wish that I had spent more time with Ava in her early years.  In another year from now Ava will be in nursery and this should allow things to be a bit easier. 

In March of 2010 I took Ava on a three and a half week tour of the USA. Travelling with a toddler on your own is hard work, but it was enlightening to show Ava so many different things and spend some quality time together every from the every day rush of life. 

Recently Ava has had her second birthday.  In three days she was out of nappies and completely dry. Alongside our other regular baby groups she also attends the local playgroup on a Friday which gives her the opportunity to paint, create, sing, read, and mix with other children in a more formal setting – and more importantly allows me to have a morning off!

Ava is happy, bright, articulate and well mannered. 

Being a single parent is difficult, you don’t get days off, you don’t have much money and your constantly battling stereotypes that your children will be low achievers with a range of social and emotional problems. 

I can honestly say that Ava is my best achievement to date (and am somewhat smug to know she is more able and more well-mannered than other children of pushy parents).  

Every day is a new challenge and I am beginning to accept that parenting is a big risk. I wouldn’t ever change the way things have turned out, even if it wasn’t in the grand plan.  

It is nice to re-evaluate life and take time with Ava to stop and view the world, watching the geese fly south or standing in the rain.  You can’t dwell on what you don’t have, so make the best of every moment before it’s too late. 

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Here at childcare is fun we realise that being a single parent can be lonely sometimes - and such hard work. 

The stigma that faced single parents years ago, still lingers and yet lone parent employment has climbed steadily in recent years. However, single parents are still portrayed as ‘scroungers’.

Recent evidence has confirmed that most children growing up in single parent families turn out fine but single parents are often depicted as ‘bad mothers’, responsible for ‘broken families’. 

Single parents want these attitudes to be challenged.

Gingerbread, a single parenting organisation, has asked 50 influential politicians and media editors to sign a pledge to tackle prejudice against single parents.

Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg and David Cameron have already signed up, now you can too!

follow the link and sign up!

http://e-activist.com/ea-campaign/clientcampaign.do?ea.client.id=296&ea.campaign.id=5819

If you're a single parent looking for support or simply ideas on what to do with your child, these fab sites are perfect!

Single parenting support online can be found at:

One Space:

http://www.onespace.org.uk/

Single parents on netmums:

http://www.netmums.com/support/Single_Parents.455/

Gingerbread:

http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/portal/page/portal/Website

Lone parents:

http://www.lone-parents.org.uk/

When I found out I was pregnant with my eldest son (now 4) I should have felt over the moon. It was planned. But I didn’t, it felt ‘wrong’ and I felt a sense of foreboding that I could not rationalise. 

I was fit and healthy during my pregnancy and had a lovely, normal home birth, but as the weeks went by after the birth and my lovely supportive husband returned to work I felt lower and lower. 

I hated being at home and missed by job as a successful clinical psychologist. 

I felt I didn’t understand my sons needs and was a bad mum for feeling burdened by him. I assumed all mums felt this way and suffered silently for weeks. 

Being woken in the night took its toll. My husband would find me shouting at Dylan, I called him at work saying I didn’t know how to stop him crying and I was a mess. 

I went to NCT sessions, and to playgroups but these left me feeling even more isolated because everyone was so happy and if I did say I hated being a mum, other distanced themselves from me as though they might ‘catch’ my negativity. 

My heath visitor didn’t notice anything was wrong, even though I didn’t want to hold or breastfeed my son. Luckily, I had a lovely GP who did realise. 

My GP explained that I had postnatal depression (PND) and that it was very common, and prescribed anti-depressants. After this I began, slowly, to recover. 

When Dylan was only 4 months I found out I was pregnant again (an accident at the time but a blessing). I stopped my meds because of the risks to the baby, but sank into perinatal depression (depression during pregnancy) again, made worse by a bad hip, hideous sickness and total exhaustion with caring for a baby while pregnant. 

My depression continued after another easy home birth and every day I struggled with finding a reason to get out of bed and be alive. 

My second (Ben) got bad reflux and wouldn’t sleep and I was beside myself with exhaustion and depression. I couldn’t sleep because I panicked at night, worrying that I was a bad mum and did not understand my kids or care enough about them. This time I changed GP so I would have a better health visitor. 

I called the health visitor and said I needed help. 

Claire was my guardian angel and I owe my sanity to her. She visited every week, gave me parenting advice, counselling and support and made me feel positive about myself as a mum.

It is thanks to her and my long suffering husband that I am still here. I honestly thought the kids would be better off without me when at my worst. Over the next year, with therapy, anti-depressants, and support (my husband gave up work for 4 months) I began to recover, went back to work, re-claimed my identity as a psychologist and began, slowly to enjoy my boys.

They have been through so much with me and have never stopped loving me and when I was able to love them back and it felt good!

I am still not sure exactly why I got postnatal depression.

I had experienced several bereavements before both Dylan and Ben were born, and we had money worries too, and my own mother worked and was not able to be the role mother I felt I needed. 

Research shows that risk factors for PND include recent loss, difficult relationship with your own mother/ family or previous history of depression. Plenty of successful, previously well-balanced women fall into depression post birth and I was one of them. 

It is often bewildering and heartbreaking for dads to see their partner struggle and they also can experience stress and depression as a result. The whole family needs support at this time. 

By writing this, I wanted to make women aware that anyone can experience PND, and it is not something to be ashamed of. Not everyone will understand, but your good friends will, so do try and talk to them about how you are feeling. It is so common, you really are not alone.

My top tips in getting through PND are:

*Talk to your partner, and listen to him if he is concerned about you.

*Allow others to help. Don’t feel you have to do it all, and don’t feel guilty or bad if this includes bottle-feeding. Do what you need to do to get through it. 

*Speak to your GP and consider anti-depressants. They don’t have many side-effects these days, and there are plenty that are very safe to use when breastfeeding.

*If you have a good health visitor, ask for their support and find out about postnatal support groups so you feel supported and less alone.

*Talk to your good friends about how you are feeling and get advice and help

Consider trying a talking therapy. This might include CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which helps you to develop more helpful ways of thinking and coping, or psychotherapy which will look more at earlier life experiences and make links to your current problems. 

Contact a support organisation. 

*Try APNI (Association for Postnatal Illness (apni.org) who also have a phone support service, or MAMA ( HYPERLINK "http://www.mama.co.uk/" http://www.mama.co.uk/) which also offers support to women experiencing PND. 

*Netmums (netmums.com) offers advice on PND and has online chat forums, and meet a mum pages.

*Try and meet other mums, choose a one-to-one setting if easier and do fun, positive things with your little ones together, or just have a natter over tea and cake

Try and make time for yourself even for a short while and do some exercise, see a film or do whatever relaxes you.

*Consider joining a Mindfulness meditation class. Mindfulness (a Buddhist form of meditation) can help you learn to keep your mind in the here-and-now, and to cope better with stress, and can help you stop being self-critical and feeling so low.

Most importantly, remember that you can, and will, feel better, and your child(ren) will be happy, well balanced and will love you and you will be albe to enjoy them. 

PND is horrible but it does pass with support and help. I never thought it would but it did and I LOVE my boys now. We have so much fun together and they make me so happy. 

Dr Penelope Leach says recent scientific tests show high levels of the stress hormone cortisol develop in babies when no one answers their cries.

If this happens over long periods and repeatedly, it can be "toxic" to their brains.

Leach (pictured) suggested unattended extreme crying bouts of 30 minutes or more could be damaging to babies. 

Dr Leach told the BBC News Website: "We are talking about the release of stress chemicals. The best known of them is cortisol, which is produced under extreme stress."

"One is not talking about a wakeful baby lying there gurgling, one is talking about a baby that is crying hard and nobody is responding.

"When that happens, and particularly if it happens over a long period, the brain chemical system releases cortisol and that is very bad for brain development.

However, research published last month found no ill effects on children whose parents had used "controlled crying" when they were babies. 

The study by the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute in Australia, followed 225 six-year-old children who had received behavioural sleep intervention as babies to assess their health – including emotional wellbeing, behaviour and child-parent relationship. 

It found techniques such as "controlled crying" had no adverse affects on the emotional and behavioural development of children or on their relationship with parents.

Anastasia Baker, (pictured) director of Night Nannies, which helps solve babies' sleep problems thinks there isnt any harm in leaving a baby to cry for a few minutes. 

'If the baby is over six months and on solids, has been winded and fed and there's no reason for it to be crying then our troubleshooters will be to leave babies for a few minutes, then go back and reassure the baby then leave to them for another few minutes. 

There is no harm in it and it can be a really useful way of getting a baby to learn to go to sleep on its own.

So many mothers make the mistake of letting the baby fall asleep on them while feeding and the baby never gets used to going to sleep on its own. We have had clients who have had to rock their child to sleep for literally hours. That is no way for that family to live.'

Mandy Gurney, founder of Millpond Sleep Clinic, added: "Obviously no one would advocate leaving a child to cry for long periods. But I think you can leave a child for a few minutes before going in to reassure them. Research has shown that using these techniques to tackle a sleep problem can have a very positive effect on family life."

Studies have suggested that up to half of parents have problems with their child's sleep patterns between the ages of six months and a year.  In some cases this can lead to marital problems, family breakdowns, behavioural problems and maternal anxiety.

So where what are we to do? do we let our babies cry a river, or do we give into their demands? I think its all about balance- recognising your babies cry, understanding their needs and responding accordingly. 

Yes of course it's o.k for your baby to cry and to be left to cry, if this is done in a controlled* way, returning every few minutes to reassure and to comfort. 

Anyone with any common sense knows that you can't leave a baby crying for long periods of time with no attention, and this is where Leach is coming in with her claims of brain damage.

Babies need love, attention and support, but they also need to learn to settle themselves.

Voice Professional Nanny of the Year Award

The Voice Professional Nanny of the Year Award, which was launched in 2004, was created to recognise the highly professional, important role nannies play in providing high quality, safe and flexible childcare to thousands of families throughout the UK.   

We believe nannies have been, until now, the invisible professionals and it is hoped that this Award will significantly raise the profile of professional nannies, giving them the recognition they deserve. 

Is your child an inter-nightmare?

Our society today seem to conduct their whole lives online, so is it any wonder our children are doing the same?

It could be argued that we are breeding a generation of inter-nightmares.

More and more schools are incorporating digital curriculum resulting in children needing to go online to research for their homework but sadly the internet offers lots of ways to waste time and often what starts as homework research, ends in online chatting and social networking.

.

Gina.....She's like Marmite!

 Gina Ford- you either love her or you hate her, in my case I have to say it's the    latter.

  Well, actually, not hate her, I'll save my hate for Jo Frost and the 

techniques she claims as her own! 

Gina Ford (pictured,)    has written various childcare books for new parents. I'm not about to start advertising them here, but if you're a parent you'll probably know the titles.

'Contented little baby'? Hmmm. Like Nick Clegg, MP for the Liberal Democrats, I'll have to disagree.

As a professional qualified nanny (check out 'Nanny Fi' and you'll see my quals) I believe routine is so important for any young baby or growing toddler. 

I have invented and implemented plenty of them for my charges to fit in their activities, socialising and all important quality time with their parents when they return from work. However, I believe Ford's routines are far too regimented and inflexable and, quite frankly impossible to follow without loosing any kind of social life, something that is so important for the new parent.

There is no doubt in my mind that pretty much every parent loves their child and wants what is best for them. However, it seems to me that many are intent on reconstructing their lives as much as possible and as soon as possible, exactly as they were before their new arrival. They think by implementing regimented routines as harsh as Ford's, that they'll get back what was taken away. But isn't having a baby supposed to be a wonderful turn-your-world-upside-down kind of experience?

As a new mum to my darling baby girl who is three months old and in a pretty good routine which we made up together (this is my point here, routines are good, just not the same routine for every baby as Ford suggests) I find the daily routine wonderful, yet flexible. If I had adhered to Fords plans, my little girl wouldn't be half as happy as she is now.

Betsy sleeps all night, stays awake all morning, then has a lovely long Three hour nap in the afternoon, leaving me lots of time to update my blog and complete mundane housey tasks such as laundry and cleaning!

I'm not alone in my fight against the Ford! Nick Clegg, The Liberal Democrat leader, and father of three, described Gina Ford’s approach to bringing up babies, as “absolute nonsense”.

An indignant Ford immediately hit back, suggesting Clegg “was stupid and immature”.

She accused him of insulting millions of parents who use her methods and suggested his party should think about finding a different leader. Perhaps Ms Ford is in need of one of her regimented afternoon naps after throwing such tantrums!

Neil Gilbride a student in Education Psychology and a Parent Support Worker suggests the answer is trying to achieve a balance.

“I find Fords methods way off-balance when taken word for word literally and followed to the T.” said Gilbride

“However, there are elements in her suggestions which can be really helpful for any parent - the idea of not 'over-exciting' before bedtime, and trying to stick to (some, albeit flexible form) of routine are strong points which are really quite hard to argue against as these basic points do help a lot of parents. Furthermore, its more about the adult maintaining control and forcing the child to adapt, then the family adapting around the newborn. Any theory of how to support a child in development should most definitely by focused around the latter, not the former.” He concluded.

Life is too short for books like hers and similar books (eg. Jo Frost) telling you how you should raise your own children.

As parents, it is your responsibility to raise your children, and if you rely to heavily on books, websites and DVDs telling you what is right and what is wrong, you will never gain the experience or trust yourself and your own instincts. 

I'm not suggesting to never look in a childcare book, or to take advice, as there is some information out there that is valuable as Philip Peakes Lib dem councellor suggests, “I suspect you could say the same (like Ford) about any self-help manual, even the most wacky diet book will contain some suggestions that any nutritionist would say were common sense. And in both that example and the case of Gina Ford, the suggestions wouldn't actually be "theirs", but tried-and-tested knowledge used in such a way as to give the rest of the argument spurious credibility (actually a common political debate tactic often associated with the 'questionable cause' logical fallacy).”

At Childcare is Fun, we aim to provide information for parents, to help them on their way to having fun with their children, and using our qualifications and years of experience, teach them how to handle situations that they really need help with.

We would never set regimented rules and ideas of how children should be cared for. 

Childcare is supposed to be fun, and it is, if you put down the books and get on with doing it!

It's snow joke!

Childcare problems are arising due to heavy snowfall due to thousands of schools being shut across the UK. In some cases children were able to get in but staff who travel from further afield were unable to do so.

According to BBC news Just under half of England's schools were closed on Wednesday and a similar number are believed still to be shut. Closure decisions were taken locally, so there are no central statistics on how many schools were affected, but BBC reports suggested well over three thousand.

At a school in Harrow, one headmaster has kept his school open throughout the bad weather, claiming that it was 'important to teach children good values for the future in the workplace.' 

It seems he is alone in his plight, as there were over 700 closures in Wales and many more across southern and midland counties of England. Up to 10cm (4in) of snow fell in some areas yesterday and more snowfall and severe weather warnings have been issued for Wales, the Midlands and the south-east of England. So do schools close too easily?

On the Telegraph website a heated discussion arose between teachers and parents, who claimed teachers should live closer to the schools they taught at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/weather/6940288/Do-schools-close-too-easily.html

Yet again, it seems that the majority of people have used the snow as an excuse not to go into work, but many braved the treacherous conditions to get into work. 

Nanny to Four children, Cheryl Mackay braved the snow and walked to work.

“I drove in yesterday but couldn't drive home so walked which took me over an hour! I also walked in again this morning, it's only snow!!”

In Brighton, Emma Russell told me she couldn't go to work because her nanny had failed to get in for two days, leaving her in a difficult position regarding pay. 

" I asked my nanny if she could take the days off as holiday or maybe make them up, and I'm happy that we have come to an arrangement."

 As a result of the snow, and the childcare problems it has caused, many parents face loosing pay as many companies are refusing to pay those who stay home. 

According to the Employment Rights Act 1996 If your children are forced to stay at home because of the weather, and you have no childcare, you may stay off work to provide "emergency care" (you can do this for any member of your close family, such as a parent, child, or spouse, but previous cases have said that looking after remote relatives like nephews or cousins doesn't count). 

You can take as much time as you need. Obviously this is unpaid. Your wage is for working! Your employer may agree to arrange a day holiday for the time you take off. 

The headlines suggest that we don't let the snow bring the country to a standstill, but with limited public transport and the majority of schools closed, how is this possible. 

Today the government announced the worry over limited salt supplies, and suggested  only gritting main roads. This will leave thousands still stranded and make the trip into work an almost impossible task!

In the meantime, the children are loving the snow, maybe we should enjoy it too?

Here at CCIF we would love to see your pictures of fun in the snow. 

Email them to fi@littlestars.tv together with your snow nightmare or snow fun stories!

It’s not goodbye forever!

Leaving a long term position by Fi Star-Stone

It’s been almost eight years since I started my job with the wonderful Hoffmann family, and here we all are, at the end of an era, saying goodbye.

There’s a lump in my throat as I write this, and yet a smile in my heart for all of the wonderful memories I have of such a loving and fun family.

I have given my best and in return they have given me love, and showed their appreciation in so many ways. I have been treated both as a professional and a member of the family. How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

So why am I leaving such a wonderful family?

Handing in my notice was one of the hardest, and most emotional, things I’ve ever had to do. It was such a hard decision, and one I didn’t make lightly.

My husband and I are from Stafford, and all of our friends and family are there. We felt it was time to move back home and with this comes the exciting prospect of opening my own Nursery.

I think I gave the longest notice period in nanny history! Nine months in fact!

I wanted to give them so much time, as they needed to think about what they were going to do. To the boy’s great delight, their father, James, has decided to take over from my nannying duties and become a full time dad!

It’s a hard job being a Nanny, but a rewarding one, and I thoroughly enjoy it. It’s been fabulous watching the boys grow over the years, catching them when they fall, encouraging their steps and using my super nanny powers of persuasion when dealing with the dreaded green vegetables! All of these things and many more have helped them grow into wonderful, polite, well balanced boys that I love dearly.

Some people appear surprised when I say how much I love the boys, but for me it’s part of the process in being a nanny. Mary Poppins would disagree:

‘And what would happen to me, may I ask, if I loved all the children I say goodbye to?’ Poppins, 1964  

It’s simply not possible to keep such a distance in this wonderful job. We go into the homes of families, and many of us stay for years. We would have to be superhuman to not form bonds! I love the relationship I have with the boys, Karen, their mother, tells me I’m their best friend which is the loveliest thing to hear.

So here I am in the final few weeks with my little friends. I can’t imagine my days without them, but I’m so happy that they say they have had as wonderful a time as I have.

It’s not goodbye forever, I’ve promised them faithfully that I shall be visiting them lots, and taking them out for tea, and they have proudly declared, ‘we are coming to your new house and having our own room!’

On Halloween, my last day and one of our favourite holidays, Karen and James are throwing me a spooky leaving party. This wonderful gesture means my hardest day with the boys will be cheered up and made easier with fun and games and a firework show!  All of the nannies I’ve worked with are coming along with their charges and some parents I’ve formed friendships with over the years are doing the same. The boys are insisting that this year I shouldn’t ‘be a witch again, because it’s not scary anymore, please be something even scarier!’ So my thinking cap is on; maybe something that can hide the tears that will, no doubt, come flooding as I say my goodbyes!

So it’s the end of an era, the end of me being their Nanny, but the beginning of a new chapter for all of us; a new chapter that will be populated with new memories for us to share with each other as the years go by and the boys grow into young men that tower over me.

I would like to take this opportunity to say a great big thank you to Karen and James for their respect, kindness and generosity over the years. I would also like to thank Jack and Ben the two wonderful little boys I have cared for. They are both my dear little friends and it has been a pleasure to look after them for the past eight years.

So, even though Mary Poppins is wrong, I have my own umbrella at the ready; out it pops, and off I fly to pastures new...

The return to school can trigger mixed emotions in both parents and children and can be an unsettling time in the house. It's impotant to work togtether to dissolve any apprenhantions and start the school year happy and positive, but this can be difficult. 

Parents may feel sadness that extended time together as a family is over, mixed with relief that they don’t have to provide all-day care while their children are at school. Children may feel excited at a new term and being back with friends, or apprehensive at what awaits them. 

Those who are approaching a change – going from nursery to primary, primary to secondary or starting a significant year with important exams – may feel particularly uncomfortable, as may their parents, so it is particularly important to be positive about starting school, and make it an exciting, not daunting time.

Parents who did not have a positive experience of school may, without realising it, pass on their anxiety to their children or find it difficult to support their children by communicating with their teachers. It is difficult not to pass on your own fears to your children, but essential to maintain a healthy and positive apporach to school life. Times have changed, schools are a lot more equipped than in our day, and teachers are more caring and responsive to childrens needs. Children benefit from encouragement and reassurance from their parents about going back to school, and from having anxieties listened to and taken seriously.

School is where your children will form many of their firm friendships, and this can be the case for you too! It's great chatting to other parents about any anxieites you might have, or anything you are unsure off. Dont worry, everyone is in the same boat!

Buying uniforms can be a headache task, but make it fun, not a chore. Don't be pressurised to buy labels, or the most expensive items, it's not a fashion parade in the early days, however when your school starters turn into teens they may argue otherwise!

Many supermarkets now offer uniforms at a competitive price, so its worth shopping around. Make sure you have plenty of everything, you dont want to end up washing and ironing more often than you need to!

 Asda     Tesco    Matalan

Most importantly, enjoy your childs return to school. If it's their first day- don't forget the camera!

Enjoy!

Easter is a fun time of year, and another excuse for spoling the little ones rotten, yet in this days society when the focus is on healthy eating - is it wrong to give our children so much chocolate?

Should children be limited in the amount of chocolate they eat? Most people would say yes; Children need limits, but they also need to learn things for themselves surely?

What would really happen if you didn't limit the amount of chocolate your child ate at Easter? Well, most likely, they would eat a lot of chocolate. Quite a lot of chocolate, in fact. Then they would develope an uncomfortable tummy ache and thus learning a valuable lesson- or would they? While the idea of 'learning for themselves' this Easter might seem like a good idea, we have a responsability to teach our children well, and care for them, let them have life experiences, but with guidance and control and care.

Some would argue that this is a valuable lesson to learn- eating so much that it makes them sick, but is it really a valuable lesson? Would the child learn that when they eat too much chocolate, they get a stomach ache; therefore they shouldn't eat as much chocolate, or would they think all chocolate makes them sick?

We all love things that are bad for us, I love chocolate, but too much just isn't great for us, so bare this in mind on Easter Sunday, when you are surrounded by a thousand calories, remember sugar rushed children and a tummy full of chocolate dont mix very well!

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Create your own festive hand-made cards with this pack of 50 Cream A6 Cards and Envelopes from Craft Tonic. Boasting outstanding value, the pre-creased card measures 10.5cm by 14.9cm and co-ordinates brilliantly with the matching envelopes.

Either draw or paint a picture, or get super creative and add stickers and ribbons.

Product Description
Three designs, two small square and one tall rectangular design. Featuring Santa, a fairy or Rudolph, all with glittery background and curvy lettering Greeting inside reads 'Christmas Magic', 'Cosy Christmas', or 'Season's Snuggles'.

  Its 3 o'clock in a busy supermarket and little Beth has decided it's time for some tantrums! You're standing by the cheese counter wishing the ground would swallow you up while the little old lady to your right tuts and stares.........

What is a temper tantrum?

Tantrums tend to occur most frequently during periods of tiredness, and hunger. It is important to support and help children having frustration or fatigue related tantrums. The child needs encouragement and understanding most at this time.

Attention seeking/Demanding

 It is important to ignore attention seeking or demanding type tantrums. This kind of tantrum includes whining, crying, pounding or hitting the floor, and breath holding, if possible and safe, leave the room or put your child into a safe environment to have his 'time out'   so your child will not have an audience.

Do not give into your child’s demands, this will only encourage future tantrums.

                    Remember, praise your child when he/she is able to control their temper and verbalize their anger.

                    Be a good role model for your child by staying calm and not having adult tantrums.